And how about you and your Fear?
Yes, that one. The one that you're looking at right now.
Do you know that fear? Does it have a name?
Give it a name, please.
Get to know its essence, its story.. Oh you must have heard that story many many times before.
How many times?
How often do you find yourself listening to that same fear and its same story?
Haven't you had enough?!
Let's make something clear here – there are fears that are good for us, that protect us from falling, from breaking a nose, from harming ourselves or others..
We call them „lifeguard-fears“.
And there are those others, not-good-for-us fears, but very familiar ones, with their stories (always the same stories!) that often play in our heads as the bedtime stories. And just like the real bedtime stories they are full of many invented characters and developments. So, let's call them „imaginary-fears“.
is so fast that it's almost invisible. It comes in an instant and gives you immediate idea what to do!
So, Lifeguard-fear is a call for ACTION! An action for your own good and well-being.
Well, one of them is probably with you right now, as you are reading this, trying to make you stop reading. It doesn't want you to be too smart about fears, because that might destroy them. It's been telling you the same story over and over again for who knows how long. And who knows where did that story come from? If there is some past experience attached to it - how valid is it for your present situation?
That's where you start:
GET TO KNOW YOUR FEAR
-> Is it calling you to take an action for your own good? - It's a Lifeguard-fear.
-> Or is it repeating some story that never helped you move from the state you are in? - It's an Imaginary-fear.
--> Listen to your Lifeguard-fear and take action!
--> Deal with your Imaginary-fear (if you want to make it disappear).
Sometimes it's enough to ask your brain (your faithful librarian® how we call it) for more facts, real proofs, previous experiences.. that disprove the Imaginary-fear's story.
And sometimes there is an underlying trauma (that you might not be aware of) that you should deal with.
We'll be writing more about trauma.. Here is some first-aid..
Our experience shows that
the greatest challenge in dealing with fears is seeing through your own "COVER-UP" STORIES.
So, there is that well known story that your Imaginary-fear has been repeating (for example - "You are a loser!" story), but then there are your own stories that you come up with every time this "fear of being a loser" appears.
Your own "cover-up" stories depend on many different things:
who introduced you to that idea of "a loser" in the first place, in what circumstances, how did you react then, what other ideas about your life are based on that presumption, what was your main need then, what do you need now .. and many other factors. (let's just give a quick example here - If your sibling was the first to call you "a loser" and he was known as the smartest kid in the family, you trusted his opinion immediately. Your life has shown you many times that you are smarter then him in some things and that he was just jealous of you, but you still hold on to that "fear of being a loser" because your need to belong to your family of origin (and its beliefs) was equal to your need to survive (when you were little).
It's hard for you to get to the bottom of this plain, simple truth because there is a pile of your "cover-up" stories and subsequent real life experiences that your brain presents you with as the living proofs of you being "a loser" every time this fear shows up.
Then you should QUESTION each of the given proofs and their real meanings.
Was losing that relationship / job / money really that bad for you? What's good in it? Have you gained something much more valuable? So valuable that you can be considered "a winner" in that situation?
Develop real self-awareness and presence (really feeling yourself in the skin you are in at the moment), gain new perspective on your given situation and related fear(s) and create simple practices for dealing with your fear(s) in a different way.